The Bits About Perinatal Mental Health Nobody Tells You (For Mums AND Dads)

It's Mental Health Awareness Week, and we want to talk about something that doesn't get nearly enough airtime in the parenting world. Not the baby gear, not the feeding schedules, not the sleep training debates. We want to talk about what's actually going on inside your head during pregnancy and in those early months after birth. Because a lot of it is normal, a lot of it is common, and almost none of it gets the attention it deserves.

So here it is. The stuff nobody tells you.

So how bad is it, really?

Pretty significant, if the data is anything to go by. Research shows that perinatal mental illness affects up to 1 in 5 women globally during pregnancy and the first year after birth. In England, a 2024 National Maternity Survey found that 3 in 10 new mothers reported symptoms of depression, anxiety or PTSD six months after giving birth, a figure that's still higher than it was before the pandemic. Even more striking? 2 in 10 of those women said they were never asked about their mental health at their booking appointment.

The system isn't always catching it. Which means it's on us to catch it in ourselves and in each other.

Yes, dads struggle too

This is the bit that really doesn't get said enough. Postnatal depression is not exclusively a mums' experience. Around 1 in 10 fathers experience it too, with research suggesting it peaks around 3 to 6 months postnatally. And if one parent is struggling, the risk for the other goes up significantly, with some studies suggesting up to 50% of fathers whose partners have postnatal depression go on to experience it themselves.

What it might feel like

Beyond the clinical definitions, here's what parents actually describe:

Feeling like you're going through the motions, physically present but emotionally somewhere else. Anxiety that feels like a constant hum in the background rather than a full-blown panic. Rage that comes from nowhere and frightens you. Intrusive thoughts you're too ashamed to say out loud. Grief for the person you were before. Loneliness, even when you're never alone. The sense that everyone else is coping better than you.

Any of those ring a bell? You're not unusual. You're just not being told often enough that other people feel this way too.

What can help: some practical things to try

Before we get to the professional support (which matters, and we'll come to it), here are some genuinely useful starting points:

• Say it out loud to someone you trust. Not because they can fix it, but because naming it takes some of its power away. Many people find the relief of saying "I'm not okay" to be significant on its own.

• Move your body, even a little. A pram walk, a stretch, ten minutes outside. The link between physical movement and mood is well evidenced, and it doesn't need to be a workout to make a difference.

• Protect some time for yourself, even just 20 minutes. A shower without someone crying outside the door. A coffee while it's still hot. Rest is not laziness, it is maintenance.

• Watch your intake. Ultra-processed food, alcohol and doom-scrolling at 2am all worsen anxiety and low mood. Easier said than done on no sleep, but worth bearing in mind.

• Be honest with your midwife, GP or health visitor. You will not be judged. You will not have your baby taken away. You will be helped. They have heard it all before, and they want to support you.

  
  

Where to find support

• If you're looking for therapy from someone who truly gets the perinatal experience, Mothering Minds is the UK's first online network of therapists specialising in pre- and postnatal mental health. They offer 1:1 sessions with perinatal specialists, free weekly peer support groups, and the ability to get seen in as little as 48 hours. No waiting lists, no having to explain the basics, just genuinely expert support from people who understand exactly where you are. Cubbi members can access an exclusive discount in the app.

  
  

• If anxiety about birth itself is part of what you're carrying, The Positive Birth Company offers hypnobirthing and evidence-based birth preparation specifically designed to help you feel informed, calm and in control going into labour. A more positive birth experience can genuinely shape how you feel in the weeks and months that follow. Cubbi members can access an exclusive discount in the app.

  
  

• Sometimes you just need to talk, and you need to do it from your sofa at 10pm when the baby is finally asleep. BetterHelp connects you with a qualified therapist via message, call or video at a time that actually works for you, with no referral needed and no babysitter required. It's one of the most accessible ways to get proper support right now. Cubbi members get 50% off their first month.

  
  

You don't need to be in crisis to deserve support. You don't need a diagnosis. You don't need to have ticked every box on a symptoms list. If something feels off, if you're not feeling like yourself, if you're just surviving rather than living, that is enough of a reason to reach out. Talk to your GP. Talk to your midwife or health visitor. Use one of the services above. Or, if things feel urgent, contact the Samaritans any time on 116 123.

Parental leave is supposed to be one of the most memorable times of your life. It can still be that, even if right now it doesn't feel like it. Getting support isn't giving up. It's how you get there.

---

Cubbi is here to support parents through every part of the parental leave journey, including the parts nobody photographs. Sign up free to access exclusive discounts hundreds of brands, including those to support your mental wellbeing.

Perinatal mental health